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[Saturday
09.15.07 // 5:43pm] |
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i'm leaving you behind
you're not what i thought you might be
and that's ok, so here let me shake your hand
and we'll each be on our way
your flavor has inspired my creativity
as insipid and lackluster as it may be
while you're trying hard to maintain control
i lost my mind upon seeing you open yourself to her
and my insanity created a million dreams
you'll never live
you're leaving me behind
too bad because i'm not anything you've experienced before
and that's ok, so here let me shake your hand
and we'll each be on our way
there are things you could learn from me
but it might seem someone else got there first
its a shame you lost control for such a wretched reason
and my insanity created a million dreams
you'll never live
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| untitled |
[Tuesday
08.28.07 // 11:34pm] |
| [ |
music |
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ayumi hamasaki- from your letter |
] |
is it always the same or do you hunger for more
surrounded by vacant smiles
aren't you in the need for something different tonight
can't you let me in
the devil knocking at your door
put on that bedroom smile
and dance with me
i want something new to corrupt
i'm feeling trapped by my indecision
the way you're trapped by your hesitation
still you like the way i stare
and i love the way you tease
yet it never goes anywhere
won't you let me in
the devil knocking at your door
put on your bedroom eyes
and dance with me
i need something new to corrupt
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| the coward within |
[Friday
09.15.06 // 5:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
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SID- chapter 1 |
] |
i can't do much anymore. nothing much of anything at all
as i sit alone, candlelight bathing all
quickly now i die inside
it's easy to forget the word when i am surrounded by your voice
show me your smile, it lights up your bottomless eyes
they're frozen in my memory
give me your hand...if i give you mine
would you never let me go?
the coward within me is just too strong
she refuses to let go
all the while i am trying to say something to you
powerful words so defeseless against my fear
how could i risk all that you already me already?
i don't know what to do, show me the way to escape this. where would it end?
i can't say those words, too much and not nearly enough. not what you want to hear
one day maybe we'll be gazing up at the stars
together side by side
they'll remind us of how fragile we are. how we're not infinite like they are
maybe you will smile, maybe you will cry
and maybe i will tell you that i love you...and that you've kept me sane for so long
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| empty |
[Friday
06.02.06 // 10:59am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
weezer- hash pipe |
] |
the night creeps in
the day slithers away
i'm left alone
in this cold cell
a soft swirling mist
heady and fragrant is all i have
you disappeared
you left and empty space
my bed still craves your taste
once wasn't nearly enough
all i have of you are some sweet memories
sweeter than the scent that surrounds you
the clock won't turn back, did we lose our chance?
letting go of the past has never been this hard
maybe you're not thinking straight
do you want to surrender your sanity so willingly?
for you, it's somehow unfitting
if i reached for you now could you listen?
you remain unmoved, as my tears are scattered by the wind
your cold voice seared in my fragile mind
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| still (our bond cannot be broken) |
[Tuesday
05.16.06 // 10:28am] |
| [ |
music |
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l'arc~en~ciel- glass dama |
] |
candlelight flickers at my window
and the incense soothes my tired nerves
the nights seemed calmer when you were near
i was safe, for a few fleeting moments
you turned away from me
your anger crushed my world
i am lost in my thoughts of you
the times i could gaze into your eyes
that time is near
our bond cannot be broken
the mornings you spend alone reinforce it and drive
the feelings home
i am bound by friendship...perhaps a bit of love
return to me, it's easy to go back
i can still feel you so close
i can't restore your faith in me
but the tenderness you felt will never fade
that tenderness will bloom into the bloody kisses
you will soon lay upon my skin
our bond cannot be broken
the mist swirls around you
bringing my scent to you even if the distance is great
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| a plea |
[Thursday
03.30.06 // 3:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
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dir en grey- C |
] |
glancing up across the crowded dancefloor
the brightest star in the sky is there before my eyes
if i get too close it might burn and i'll wither away
i'll smile and pretend it doesn't affect me
how many mortals swarm to your warmth
you draw them without even realizing it
the way i do sometimes
in that sense we are quite perfect for each other
i have to fight the urge to adore you openly as well
i can only worship you in private
please don't be unkind to me
and i'll always be my your side
don't you know you own my heart already?
sp please be careful with it
here my head is spinning, i'm seeing
nothing except the display you're putting on
it's painful to watch, yet mesmerizing
can no one see the hearts floating around me?
i'm surprised they don't strike someone down
i can't help my weakness
please, please don't be unkind to me
someone like you shouldn't be so cruel
don't you know that you own my heart already?
so please be careful with it
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| confronted |
[Thursday
03.30.06 // 3:03am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gazette- ruder |
] |
it’s often lonely in the middle of the night
when my arms can’t pull you close against me
my heart clenches painfully
a fleeting sting and it’s gone
are you aware of this desolation i carry inside?
the distance you put between us is so infuriating
i’ve done all i can to reach you…
“you should stop trying…” it’s been said more than once
“i can’t” why?
“i think i’ve fallen hard” It’s been spoken
“how hard?”
“i will never be the same again”
those fleeting smiles are enough to sustain me
for how long, i dont know
i hold back the cries of frustration
just close my eyes and inhale your musk
it's comforting and distressing
polar opposites that play with my mind
"he doesn't know how lucky is he" i've heard that
"i am the lucky one" i've felt this before
"you believe that?"
"when he rests his gaze on me, yes..." am i a fool?
"what do you feel?"
"like i've been reborn"
(oh such a fool)
stolen moments is all i have to keep me going
i dobt i am strong enough to survive
time, like soft sakura petals slowly floats by
washing away my resolve
i am left bare before your eyes
the distance you put between us is so disquieting
i've done all i can to reach you...
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| i will return to you |
[Friday
03.24.06 // 2:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gazette- reila |
] |
The day will come when I return to you…
You did not call out to me so I had to turn away
Through the mist, the ages, the pain…the fear
This empty husk has made it somehow
If only to hear the sound of your voice
Your whispers, your sighs- meaningless words you utter
They cut deeper than before
Unwillingly the deception is there because you cannot give me the truth
My heart is turning away; I can’t get through to you
No matter how hard I try
No matter how many tears I cry
You say no words, you speak no thoughts
I can’t wait…I can’t wait…
I want to run into your arms but all you do is push me away
When the night blooms I will return to you…
In my weak state I seek you
The sighs, the kisses, the silky murmurs will be reborn again
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| a thought |
[Thursday
01.12.06 // 10:11pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
chemistry- floatin' |
] |
Faraway in Heaven
The angels sometimes say
Our lives are often bitter
Our sanity is the price we pay
We chain and throw away the weary, the meek
So weighed down by burdens we don’t have to face
Faraway in Heaven
The angels sometimes say
A good deed shines as far as the eye can see
Life is sometimes joyous and to others
Happiness we bring
So remember the bound and chained and let the hate wash away.
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| the sun |
[Sunday
12.18.05 // 6:34pm] |
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looking back, you were so strong
you did everything with a brave face and people
looked up to you
was there ever pain? you did not show it, but it must have been there
just like for everyone else. for me as well
was it me that put pain in your heart? some of the time, right?
were you always standing behind me?
i am one of those people that look up to you
so you don't have to stand behind me
you should be in front of the sun
with its radiance all around you
i would put you there myself if i could
it would be a step closer to heaven
where you belong
the harder we try to fly
we are reminded that we are mere mortals after all
but we have to try, so we can shape our future
the past is set and done
yet the future looks so bright, if we want it to
we all have our places in this world
some loftier than others
but i give you the best place of them all
in front of the sun
bathed in its glory for all of us to see
i can't erase the past and i can't spare you the future
yet your place won't be threatened at all
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| predicament |
[Sunday
12.18.05 // 6:20pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kang ta- jamdeun keedo (prayer) |
] |
i know you're alone
you think you can't go on
is it really that bad now?
your world came crashing down, its true. time to make a new one
the worst thing i can do is force you to look at me
although its killing me inside
i just want to be sheltered in your arms
don't look at me, don't talk to me
i'm scared of the words you will speak
i've always been afraid
have i been foolish? more than patient?
tell me now, where do i stand?
when i have other doors open i still focus on you
the worst thing i can do is force you to love me
although my wretched heart is close to dying inside
i just want to be sheltered in your arms
don't turn to me, don't think of me
i can't bear to know your thoughts aren't of me
don't ask me how i know, how i've always known
it would come to this
i doubt you'd believe the truth
but i knew. and i'm sorry i did.
can you believe me when i tell you that you will be happy again?
the worst thing i can do is force you to look at me
although its killing me inside
i just want to be sheltered in your arms
don't look at me, don't talk to me
i'm scared of the words you will speak
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| the cat and the dreamer |
[Thursday
12.15.05 // 10:35pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
koyote- passion |
] |
upon this weary dreamer she comes
inspiring me with her charms
this bond has grown into something
tangible, real
it can't be broken
rest with me, graceful creature
that i may learn your ways
be humbled by your strengths
guard by dreams at night
stay by my side
sleeping peacefully you'll find
the impish dreamer and her cat
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| rain |
[Monday
12.05.05 // 8:54pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pierrot- kowareteiku kono sekai de |
] |
there is always a reason
for the rain, even when it's
threatening our sanity
even when it's drowning us, when
it's exposing us
there is always a reason
for this cleansing rain
it's going to wash it away
all the doubts, the pain
i can't stop the cascade
and down my cheeks
flows the rain
this rain i create
so beautiful and inspiring it will
bring you to your knees
make you see me in a new light
i'm strong, yes very
i don't need you to tell me; i can
tell myself
but i still need your hand
i can still lose my way
but i can't quit until the world sees
the rainbow i will make one day
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|
[Monday
12.05.05 // 8:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jang woo hyuk- pump flow |
] |
can it be that you're looking
at me?
i caught your eye when no one
else did?
yet your silence is frustrating
infuriating
what's it gonna take to break you?
i'm almost there, oh so close!
i caught your eye
but it's your heart that needs to fall
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| angels |
[Friday
11.25.05 // 12:50am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tony an- behind the clouds |
] |
it must have have been frightening
to spend so many nights awake and alone
trapped inside a body that only wished to let go
the prayers of those who surrounded you fell on deaf ears
there must have have been a bitter taste
in your mouth
knowing you were not going to stand by my side
no one really prepared you for it did they?
isn't life unfair like that sometimes?
yes, it must have been hard...
there really isn't anything to be mad about anymore
nothing to be afraid of...
sometimes though, i feel as if
the angels are conspiring against us
keeping you for themselves. why wouldn't they?
you must shine brighter than the sun itself
you must be awe-inspiring to behold
just be a little more patient, can i make that request?
each day brings us closer to eternity
so you won't have to watch me from afar and you can
hold me in your arms again
i know that will be first thing you will do
so just be a little more patient, i'm not asking for too much am i?
i know you are always watching
i turned out ok didn't i?
you can hold your head up high
one day the angels will let us meet again
until then keep my words close to your heart
there is nothing to be afraid of
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| untitled |
[Friday
10.21.05 // 10:38pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
moon hee jun- easy |
] |
dedication: to my mother, for her death anniversary
i already know
i already know she will die, succumb
every so slowly
so softly, she'll press her hand to my cheek
but she will see me
all the surrenders
also the triumphs
and the longing, the fear, the remorse
ah perhaps it is you fault
or perhaps it is God's fault
i cannot help wonder sometimes
life
only the most ethereal thing
only the most precious thing
she'll come to me sometimes
when the world threatens to collapse around me
just to see me
slowly she'll hold me
calm my errant dreams
and they say this is love
and they will call this love
how can it be love
if it hurts so much
and i'm still left so alone
can you see me
from the eternity granted to you?
ah perhaps it your fault
and perhaps it is God's fault
i, who did not have the
courage to follow you
when i saw you fall
i already feel
that she knows what's held in the mists
of my heart
death
death, how can you laugh? do not;
she did not die
she merely went to sleep
|
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| the moonlit rose- the 3rd phase |
[Saturday
10.15.05 // 10:53pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
moon hee jun- easy (intro) |
] |
his eyes roamed over the rose's supple body
she laid bare before him, exposed to his longing.
"rose," he murmured. "you don't know what you do to me."
her eyes averted, the rose hid her smile.
"i am not as exotic as the other flowers
you've had in the past."
he slowly closed in on his prey and grinned.
"i care not about them, i care about you."
"i have alot of competition, have i not?"
she shivered as a gentle breeze danced across her skin.
he couldn't help but laugh; indeed she was as
intuative as he had been foretold.
there were many vying for the gentleman's attention,
he was as charming as he was seductive.
the rose, however, was not like the rest of the flowers
her scent was clean, her nectar pure.
she was enticing yet shy- a delicious blend. perfect, even.
sweet, powerful, strong. the rose was The Lady of
any garden she graced.
as she was the queen of the gentleman's realm
"believe me rose, i will never have another.
i have found someone to give me everything to."
"you thought you did before as well."
he was taken aback by her tone.
she thought of him foolish; too long it took him to realize his fate didn't lie with another flower
what a waste of time, thought the rose.
"yes," he gritted out, annoyed. "i was wrong; that relationship
was not an union. it was hell."
he closed the space between them and kissed her
luscious lips, nothing mattered now.
with an aching tenderness he touched
and was pleased to see she was ready to receive him.
he wanted their first time to be perfect, as it was meant to be.
the moonlit rose closed her eyes
and welcomed him into her world.
|
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| the moonlit rose- the 2nd phase |
[Monday
09.05.05 // 6:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
JTL- just say goodbye (remix) |
] |
“Why do you weep?” asked the gentleman to the rose.
The rose turned away and spoke
“I am but one of many, aren’t I?”
The gentleman regarded her silently
“Aren’t I?”
The sun shone brightly upon the rose,
So fiercely that lesser flowers would have wilted
But the rose was strong, stronger than most gave her credit for.
The moonlit rose, so far away from the forgotten garden.
That shadowy, dry garden where her heart awoke,
“Why do you think that?”
“I gave myself to you, but your heart is not mine.”
Her eyes sparkled in the light.
“So enchanting, yet so insecure rose,” he said at last.
“How is it that you have enchanted many,
Yet remain hesitant to believe it?”
“Because the flesh overpowers men and causes them to lie.”
It was true of course, what she said.
The rose had had more than enough dissolutions in the wicked garden
The dreary, hateful garden that kills hope.
“I cannot defend or condemn others.” This was the truth. “What a horrible way to live.
To be so jaded, to not embrace your fate.”
She regarded him coldly for the first time. She had chosen her fate
And he had come and changed it.
“You made me leave.”
A nod. “Did you learn something?”
Such a playful tone; she couldn’t help but smile.
Unknowingly charming her way deeper into his heart.
The other flowers would scatter away
And only the moonlit rose would remain; this was her rightful place- not theirs.
“I am still learning…”
|
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| the moonlit rose- the 1st phase |
[Tuesday
08.30.05 // 7:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bach- edelweiss |
] |
The flower turned her petals slowly
Slowly seeking the faint light.
All was quiet in this darkened garden.
A stranger walked up, with brilliant blue eyes and a gentle smile
“Ah,” he breathed. “What a lovely rose.”
“The moonlit rose, so vibrant in this garden,
The wicked, wicked garden where all else dies.”
The rose, surprised, looked up at the man
Confused as she had been before in the past.
“There is a beauty here in this vast realm. Although sometimes
You have to look past the veil.”
The stranger sat down and ran a finger over a satiny petal.
The rose shivered.
“Kind stranger, your touch disquiets me,” she murmured.
“My moonlit rose, why are you here?”
“To pay for my sins.”
“I could release you, free you from this garden.
The wicked , black garden where other flowers wither.”
“They too have their admirers, their own merits.”
His eyes shining in the night, the man leaned in.
“Empty. Destined to wilt. Their filthy seduction holds nothing for me.”
She gazed far into the distance and sighed.
“Let me take you away, my moonlit rose.”
“If I leave I’ll die, I cannot leave.”
He reached and gently plucked the rose from the earth.
For how could he not, if she was the one he loved?
The rose laid on the round, moonlight dancing all around and gasped for breath.
“I shall die, kind sir, is this how I am to die?”
“No rose, this is how you shall live.”
For now, in this vast garden
This wicked, greedy garden the rose slowly opened her eyes. Warm mocha orbs
So full of wisdom and trust.
She looked down and her hands were small yet strong.
“Unthinkable to walk away from such beauty.”
She slowly stood up and looked at the stranger.
Saw his sapphire eyes.
“Many have,” she whispered. “More than I care to remember.”
“Fools.”
“I cannot blame them,” continued the rose taking a step forward.
What a strange feeling! To walk on her own again.
“Few ever glanced twice at me. I preferred it that way.”
“Ever dignified, rose. I feel truly blessed then.”
A faint blush spread on her cheeks. “You flatter me.”
But one could see she was pleased.
The light of the moon was fading away, they must flee this place soon.
“I need you rose, by my side. This feeling you give me… “ said the man.
With a graceful nod, she silenced him.
‘Then that’s where I shall be; if you love me so.”
“From the moment you began your self-imposed penitence.
My heart beat for you alone.”
Hand in hand they walked away, a gentleman and his bride.
The moonlit rose, brought back to life found love in this treacherous garden
This cruel, frozen garden.
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